Sorry has been the thing that I need, that bad habit I can't break, that word that slips out without my consent.
Don't get me wrong- I love sorry. I love the powerful way it admits guilt, bulldozes walls of hostility, brings healing to long time wounds and seeks restoration. But when it's abused, it loses its power. It also becomes less and less about restoration.
Here are a few of the reasons of over apologizing:
1. People-pleasing. If pleasing is the goal, I'm a player in a losing game. Because no matter how good I get at playing, there's always going to be at least one player who doesn't like me. I've started to realize this, but rather than attack the root of people pleasing by plucking it out, sorry has been used as a bandaid. Like most serious wounds, bandaids help a little, but more is needed.
2. I apologize to appease something in me. One "I'm sorry" is a way of considering others. More than one becomes a self-conscious attempt to gratify myself. All of the sudden the conflict isn't even about the other person anymore. Sometimes it's because I wasn't satisfied by their response the first time, or maybe I still feel really, really bad about what I did. I'm working on avoiding the temptation to use it again and again in order to feel better about myself.
3. I'm not trusting in the truth of enough. Like other times when I am motivated by doubt and anxiety, I take something good and misuse it. The same is with apologies. When I frantically use "sorry" to scrub out my mistake, I realize that the mistake is still there, but I've just made a bigger stain. Enough is enough. One sorry is enough. I must trust the meaning of my words, say it with a genuine heart of love, then move on.
And sorry if you think this post is too long!
Just kidding.
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