I love being a Generation Y'er. I love working with Millennials. I think both have a lot of strengths. These are some of the most driven, authentic and capable people I know. Compelled by a cause, these people don't just settle for the status quo. This is a culture of critical thinking, questioning what has been, and forging a new adventure. But every gift has its dark side.
I think our dark side makes sense. I think it's possible that the quest for what is real and vulnerable comes from watching the generations before us struggle through difficulty without opening up with others. We sat in church pews thinking that it was the place that only perfectly clean and tidy folks came with all of their hard, messy things left at home. A few decades earlier, "taboo" topics were neglected such as sexuality, addictions, mental health, family problems, or basically anything broken. So we watched our parents struggle through difficult things, figuring it out for themselves. I bet they told themselves that they would live differently than their parents, and parent differently than their parents. They probably had a reactionary response of their own.
What is brash vulnerability?
Well, I made it up. I don't think it's really a thing but let's call it that for now. A guy a know calls it "reckless honesty". I like that A LOT.
It's something negative that came from something good (like so many other things in this life). That something good originally was a desire for authenticity. The yearning for people to just calm down, take off those masks and heavy self-protective armor and just. be. real. To be willing to open up and stop ignoring the large, obvious proverbial elephant and say, "look, an elephant. Let's talk about that". My generation craves people who will embrace a whole person, messy and clean parts alike. I crave that too. Don't we all?
Aren't we all a little messy?
BUT. It's gotten a little out of control. Somewhere along the way the desire for authenticity got twisted into a sense of entitlement. This entitlement says:
Because I have a voice to speak and a story to share, anyone who has ears should and WILL hear me. And if they are put off by what is say, it's not because I have been abrasive with my language, it's because they are not tolerant and therefore not worth my time.
It's a cause and effect. Entitlement breeds brash vulnerability.
What's the problem with this? A few things.
For one, Ephesians urges us to only speak what is beneficial for building others up (4:29)- what in the world is beneficial about brash vulnerability? Is it even worth being spoken? It is the equivalent of word vomit, spewing all over whomever is closest. Vomit is really only useful to the one who hurled it out of their system.
Second, brash vulnerability is the opposite of wisdom. Wisdom looks for a few wise sets of ears who have a deep well of understanding, hearts in tune with the Lord's, and steady souls to handle the weight of heavy things. It is very okay, even wise, to share openly with a few discerning people. They can listen with grace and speak words of truth. Brash vulnerability chooses to tell whomever can hear them. Not everyone with ears should be trusted with the most confidential and insecure parts of the soul.
{I won't say more on this, but beware of the way social media plays into this! Yikes.}
Enough and wisdom are closely connected. Enough challenges us on our quest to authenticity to pause and ask a few key questions before divulging personal information:
- Is this the right person to talk to about this?
- Is sharing this going to be beneficial for them also or just me?
- Is this appropriate transparency? Or just brash vulnerability?
So is there such thing as TOO authentic? I would say so. It just depends on what the heart is trying to get out of it. Here is a helpful tip: if it's to find healing, confidentiality and truth, it's probably authenticity. If it's just to get attention, it's most likely reckless honesty. May we be people who know and live the difference.
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