It feels really raw to put it into words.
I am designed to be an encourager and minister. I am a people person. In this season, I am called to work with college people. I love this vulnerable, hard, deep and meaningful time in a person's life. I get the privilege of coming alongside to enter into the messy questions and insecurity. I also get the privilege of having a front row seat to growth as roots move deeper and fruit is in abundance.
But here's the raw part. Some days I feel very helpful and wise. Other days I feel more insecure than ever. With trepidation, I tuned into the dialogue in my head.
Not good enough.
Not organized enough.
Not as good as (so-and-so).
Not smart enough.
Just mediocre.
Disappointing.
And I wilt. And withdraw.
Today was one of those days where I had to purposefully strain to hear above the droning on of that familiar dialogue. I squinted to read the lips of those who'd speak to me, fighting the monotone noise in my head. And on I trudged throughout this Monday, feeling like the victim.
Along came a not-so-coincidental wise man, a coworker of mine. His engaging smile told me that he was interested in having a philosophical chat...not exactly what I was looking for. In the midst of that conversation, my ears received words and my heart beat fast. You know that feeling when you know that the Lord's pressing something important into your soul? He said,
Be careful of the voices you hear about yourself. Which one of them is Jesus? His is very rarely one of judgment and distaste.
I don't even remember the context. I just knew those words were predestined for my heart. Insecurity is a smorgasbord of half truths. Insecurity's intent is to paralyze and make you small. Bravery cuts through that reminding you that you are not a victim. Face that insecurity. Listen for the familiar old tunes that are stuck on repeat. Arm yourself with truth, grab a wise friend and face that insecurity. Then ask yourself who's voice you're listening to. Make sure it's the right one.
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