You know the type: outgoing, warm, playful, spontaneous, go-with-the-flow, like to make you laugh. You know, the ones who seem like nothing gets them down.
That is me. Maybe it's you. If so, maybe you'll resonate with some of my new thoughts along my journey of self discovery.
ENFP stands for Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving. Those who are ENFP tend to quickly recognize and gravitate toward other ENFP's. You know them when you see them. We are our own breed of extraversion and enthusiasm. We are story tellers and influencers. Some of these characteristics may be broad generalizations but they seem to be consistent among my circle of fellow ENFP'ers. These are not meant to put anyone in a box, but rather to put words to some common traits, giving license to ENFPs to be uniquely who they are created to be. May you feel understood, not labeled!
If you work with one, are raising one, are married to one or are one, here are some tips to understanding us/yourself better.
1. Conflict is scary. It can feel like a relationship is in jeopardy (I will expound on why this is a big deal with number 5). It's not that we always run from conflict, but before we confront, we need to feel confident that it's really going to be worth it- that it'll lead to deeper connection, not burned bridges. It may take us longer to process conflict and we'd like to feel prepared to communicate our feelings well. If you are confronted by an ENFP friend, be comforted that there was much thought and prayer before that conversation. You will most likely come away shocked that something was even wrong in the first place. If all goes well, we hope you'll walk away reminded that you are cared for deeply.
2. We seem chill, but inside our heads there's a lot going on! We care. Really. Our default is to laugh, but it doesn't mean we don't take things seriously. One of the worst fears of an ENFP is that we will be perceived as unintelligent...as if laughter and intellect cannot coexist. In reality, we can be some of the most creative, abstract thinkers but can easily be discouraged if a louder, more dominant personality seems to have a better idea. We have opinions! We care deeply! We also like to laugh. Don't assume we do not have the capacity to do both in a balanced way. In order to maximize us, ask for our opinion and let us know you value what we bring to the table.
3. We are sensitive souls. We laugh, but we may be hurt. We seem confident but we can be self conscious. Since conflict is not our knee-jerk reaction, it is often difficult for people to read our frustration. We often analyze our conversations after they happen, making sure that we did not say anything that could've caused any hurt. Because we love laughter, ENFP's can often be the focus of jokes. Sometimes these jokes are funny and make us feel known. Sometimes these jokes go too far and hurt even though we laugh with you. If you want to make sure you are not doing the latter, just ask us. We'll tell you.
4. It's hard to turn intuition off. We get tired. Every gift has a dark side. Deep feelers can face some emotional pitfalls. A great strength of the ENFP is the ability to read people and social interactions. This greatly aids us in our relationships, workplaces and marriages. However this can lead to stress in group settings where there is perceived tension that is not evident to others. It's very difficult (maybe impossible?) to turn that intuition off. Many ENFPs will face psychological distress in these settings such as anxiety and depression. We are extraverted, but need our down time too; we need a space where we don't have to be "on".
5. Relationships will always come first, sometimes at the expense of other important things. We are people people. We are motivated by connectedness. This relational gift can make our friends feel like they're the only person in the entire world. This can also appear to our more task-oriented friends that we are irresponsible with tasks. We do want to do things well, but our priority is relationships. For better or for worse! ENFP's can often run late if engrossed in a deep, meaningful conversation with someone they care about beforehand. We know we are weak in this area- so be patient with us! One thing is for sure: we know how to make people feel valued. Just ask our close friends.
6. WOO. We like to make people happy. This can either motivate (drive us to do something extra well) or hinder (turn us into a people-pleaser) depending on how we use this gift. At best, we are sensitive to the thoughts and opinions of others, ensuring that everyone has a voice. At worst we can get stuck if we feel we do not have approval from others. StrengthsQuest calls this quality "woo" (Win Others Over), which is a strength many ENFP's have. One fun part of being a woo is that we tend to make new friends quickly, giving us a wide variety of companions.
If you ARE an ENFP, know that you are uniquely designed and bring life to your community! It's important that you lean into your strengths, avoiding comparison to other personalities. Be you. Love people. The world wouldn't be the same without you.
If you know an ENFP, these thoughts may not be new but may they be used as you learn how to better love and relate to us.
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