The Dark Side of Instagram {you know what they say about assumptions...}

I had the privilege of sitting across the table from one of my dear friends. Our post-it notes and scribbled ideas were sprawled on floral journals and our conversation bounced around, non-stop for about 2 hours. 

We circled around work-related, results-oriented topics until her face sobered. We landed on a raw topic- one that sat so close to her heart that it made her wince just to put it into words. She paused thoughtfully, then with tears in her eyes she named her insecurities. She entrusted every syllable of this soft spot with me. A wound. An unkind word. A stuck place dodging arrows of not-good-enough and not-pretty-enough. I was shocked. Her stuck place sounded a lot like mine. How often had I envied her perfection and felt sorry for myself? I thought I was the only one who had those thoughts? If someone of her caliber, her beauty had hard days and insecurities, then surely no one can be exempt! 

You know what they say about assuming, right? I guess that's sort of true. But that day I learned something else about assuming....

When I assume things about others, I'm drawing permanent conclusions from things I actually don't know are true. Assuming just puts others on a pedestal, held up by self-comparison, self-pity and self-deprivation. It seems like humans are really good at walking around eyeing others' outward perfection, comparing it to the whole (good, bad and ugly) of ourselves. It's a game we will never win. We scroll through Instagram, perusing the lives of others and think...

They never question their significance. 
She must always feel skinny and beautiful. 
I bet that couple is always in love. They never have conflict. 
He is always funny and at ease, I bet he never worries what people think of him. 

While we keep playing this losing game of assuming, we also isolate ourselves by thinking that we are alone in insecurity. 

What if we chose another way? What if we invited each other to share those insecurities? What if we assumed that everyone has a soft spot, a wounded place, a pebble in their shoe? What if the seemingly perfect exterior motivated us to make others feel so safe, safe enough to really just be instead of walking around, assuming and comparing and defending? I think under those protected exteriors we'd find that everyone has

a soul that needs tending. 
a body that feels the burden of sin. 
an identity to nourish and affirm.  

I want this way. Let's start recognizing assumptions. Let's call out truth and fight against the comparison game. Because in the end we are all just souls, fearfully and wonderfully made, needing to be loved.