"Solitude is more a state of mind and heart than it
is a place...whether alone or among people, we always carry with us a portable
sanctuary of the heart."
- Richard Foster
In recent days I have found myself in a desert-like state
emotionally. Somewhere between wrapping up my first year as a dorm mom,
clinging to a personal life outside of work, and saying goodbye to girls I had
spent every day with for ten months, I have misplaced the excitement I once
had. The excitement to do what I'm made to do: love and disciple people. Apathy
has wiggled its way in. Exhaustion has been tugging on my leg like a persistent
child. Resent has whispered words, begging to take up residence in my heart.
And I am scared. Those things aren't like me...are they?
Solitude: [sol-i-tood]
n. the state of being alone; seclusion.
I do not like seclusion. Or alone. But I do like learning
new things. Solitude is a new thing for me. Here's what I've learned about
solitude so far:
It is easily misunderstood.
It is easily chased away by other, seemingly more
important things.
It helps me hear the thoughts that sometimes I'd like to
avoid.
It is a discipline that adds a new depth to my relationship
with Jesus.
It is worth fighting for.
So now I retreat into the stillness, refuse to fill it
with busyness, breathe in deep, and let my being be filled again with the
simple fact that I am deeply and fiercely loved by an Almighty Father. Maybe
soon this love will overflow and spill out of me once again. I'm beginning to
see the necessity of learning this art of solitude.