I
sit today pouring over words, a third cup of tea my companion. So many words
bounce around inside of me.
I
confess that a grey fog has visited my heart today, a haze of unwelcome
thoughts invade. Why do they shout so loud? Inadequacy. Fear.
Self-consciousness. I am uncertain as to the origin of this grey fog but I do
know that it is unsettling. And I would like it to leave.
My
friends, on days like today it is easy for the grey fog to do the speaking, to
define who I am. I have heard it advised to "listen to your heart".
What if my heart is shouting what is not true? Days like today remind me that
sometimes it's a good idea NOT to listen to my heart. Instead, I lean in
closely to the One who designed me. I look to Him to define the messy parts
that need re-ordering. I look to Him to anchor my soul as it rides the waves of
the tumultuous sea of feelings.
I
choose truth as my guide, shown to me in the ancient written Words of Scripture,
the kind words of a close friend, and recalling ways that my Counselor has
sustained me in the past. And soon the loudest voice is truth. I prefer its
calming melodies to the offbeat rhythms of my heart any day.
